Avoiding burnout: what do we mean by self-care?
There's a certain badge of honour attributed to busyness in our world, and to slow down and actually look after yourself tends to be perceived as lazy and self-indulgent. At a cultural level, obsessions with the productivity habits of CEOs have paved the way for multiple podcasts. Closer to home, I think many of us are guilty of sighing to our friends about our non-stop schedules with just the teensiest bit of pride. But this contributes to a culture of burnout, which does no-one any favours. Given current world circumstances have forced many to let go of some busyness, it seems to me as good a time as any to reconsider how we view self-care, and to take time to figure out what this looks like for us.
Part of being what we psychologists like to refer to as a "healthy adult" is not only being reliable and managing your own emotions in a mature way, it's also honouring one's own need to slow down, soothe difficult feelings, and enjoy life, as well. Like a good parent to ourselves, we want to balance setting limits with self-nurturance. This type of thinking can take a long time to adjust to, especially if your "training" as a kid in your family constituted denial or avoidance of emotions and self-care.
What does this self-care thing look like? It includes habits that are good for you physically or health-wise, but also anything that helps to re-fill your cup mentally or spiritually. I consider the most basic, beginner-level, non-negotiable physical aspects of self-care to include:
Eating well - a good variety of foods, and enough.
Doing some form of physical activity that gets your body moving outside of work - you don't need to train to be a body-builder or marathon runner, but an odd walk will do nicely.
Sleeping 6-8 hours per night (yes, this one's tricky/nigh on impossible with shift work or small children - but otherwise, should be realistic).
Not excessively consuming alcohol or any other substances that alter your state of being and negatively impact your functioning.
Having some kind of social contact as a regular part of your life - even introverts need people!
But these alone do not a self-carer make! You also need to engage in a variety of other activities that help you relax and re-charge. Anything that can help you calm down after stress or emotional exertion, or feel energised before you go to work (occupational or otherwise) is what I would consider to be mental or spiritual self-care. These are really individualised, so I wouldn't dare try to give you a prescriptive list! But some examples would be:
Sitting in the sun in a park and people-watching.
Meditation.
Bush-walking.
Reading.
Playing on a sporting team.
Creating something - painting, drawing, sewing.
Listening to or playing music.
Playing board games.
Swimming in the ocean.
Playing with a pet.
Getting a massage.
Journalling.
Re-organising your pantry or wardrobe (some people are weird and find this soothing!).
Spending time with a partner, kids, friends, or housemate.
Having a pedicure.
Drinking a glass of wine (not a bottle).
Cooking a new recipe (perhaps whilst drinking a glass of wine).
Get the idea? Basically anything could appear on this list. One thing I will note is that I haven't put Netflix or any variation of that on the list. Whilst this is really relaxing, and undoubtedly required fairly regularly for most people, it's not really something that has potential to fill you up. It will most likely empty out your brain completely, which is nice sometimes, but the brain-dead zoned out thing is not the vibe we're going for here.
On top of what you do, the other important part of nurturing yourself is how you speak to yourself - see my post on challenging the inner critic. Prioritising self-care activities is a good starting point and will give you the energy to take on this more complex aspect!
Remember: self-care is not about being productive, achieving things, or kicking goals; it's purely about replenishing yourself. It’s about slowing down, and switching off from the drive to do more and be more. Right now is an excellent time to be a bit self-reflective about this: we’re in a period of a kind of enforced slow-down. How do you feel about this? Are you feeling a bit unsafe in being unable to challenge yourself non-stop, or fill every moment of your day with work and engagements? If so - that’s good to know. What you do with that information is up to you.